Yellow Dog

(by K. Brown)

Yellow dog
Don’t know no blues
She just hops
And skips
Don’t wear no shoes
Yellow dog
Don’t never cry
Just looks at me
With deep
Dark eyes
Yellow dog
Cant be blue


Yellow dog
How would it be
If you
And I
Sailed out to sea
Yellow dog
We can roam
Wherever
We are
We’ll call home
Yellow dog
Just you and me


Yellow dog
Ill be blue
The day
I say
Goodbye to you
Yellow dog
When its time
To fly
Youre a damned old dog
To make me cry
Yellow dog
Ill be blue


(Joy Of My Life - reference)

I am blue.

Lucy passed away on Friday night. I was there with her ... found her in the backyard, crumpled in a pile at the foot of a small hill ... assuming she had a massive heart attack.

It was almost 8p. We were heading out to get something to eat ... and I whistled for Lucy, but she didn't come. She is an old dog ... and I know she doesn't hear so well anymore ... either that or she just ignores me a little longer to stay about her business. The right of age.

So I tramped out in the yard to hurry her along.

First front yard, then back ... no Lucy ... until I happened to glance over down the hill ...

She was still alive when I found her ... but, barely. And then, while I held her and got her collar off ... she had another attack. And, that put her out.

Lucy was going on 14. She led a dog's life.

That was Friday night, and as I sit here on Monday morning ... I am as blue as i could be.

Don't know what it is about losing a pet that could cause such sorrow. I don't know that I honestly felt as much sorrow at losing my Dad several years past, now. And, worse yet ... my brother lost his wife just this past year ... only 46 years old. So, it almost feels guilty to me now to yearn so for a dog.

And yet I do.

Maybe it is, then, that as I look back at old photos of her when we got her ... there is my youngest daughter in the picture. Maybe only 2 years old then ... but, 16 now. Lucy was with her for her entire life.

So much water crossed in all those years. So many miles passed.

A curly headed laughing little girl and her Big Yellow Dog ...

And now, a 16 year old girl, who is driving (and chomping at the bit to get her license) ... who is just 2 years away from being out of the house and off to college.
The last of our 3 children ... setting out to light up the world.

My oldest, 24, has already flown the coop ... lives and teaches in New York. Big city, big dreams ... an even bigger life ahead. And, yet ... there she is in the picture with the Big Yellow Dog ... when dreams were so simple as twirling in the yard. Dancing to a tune noone else could hear ...

My middle one, my son ... 23 this year ... and contemplating joining the Marine Corps as I write this. He too, is in those pictures with Lucy ... 2 fresh young faces ... nothing more life threatening than jumping off the end of a dock together into Grand Lake. And now, his mother and I will have a whole new set of worries ... not knowing what kind of danger he might be jumping into. Hoping he has the heart of the Big Yellow Dog to carry him on through rough times and good.

Friday night I buried my face in her fur one last time as I gave her over to the attendants at the vet clinic. To take her away. For good. I just couldn't help but sob.

For my lost dog ... for me ... for a lost and innocent time. The passage of a life, and a season of mine and my family's lives. For the fact there is so much more yet to go ... and, that I don't want this time past to grow dimmer. But, it invariably will.

Lucy was so much more than a mere pet.

As I watched her grow from pup to grand old dame ... and we marked the passage of time together ... almost constant companions ... Lucy was a mirror and a fixture of my own life.

I already miss her. I wonder how long I will continue to miss her? And, pray I will miss her more with each passing season. Because that will be feeling.

Remembering.

I don't want to forget anything about these times.

I don't want my memories of her to fade. For if they do, I am afraid the memory of my own life and precious moments of my family will fade along with it.

These things we hold so dear.

I loved you Lucy. And, will love you still.

Yellow dog? ... I am blue.